Dear Deadly Drivers

Driving scares the hell out of me. I mean I like it, the open road, and the sanctity of being inside my own car singing away to my own tunes but it also scares me.

I do a LOT of driving lately, with the trip to Vinny's dads place being a 45 minute drive away.
I take him there 2 or sometimes 3 times a week.
And then I drive the same distance in a different direction each Tuesday to go to my Uni course.

Each and every time I'm on the road I encounter some people with very questionable, stupid, and downright dangerous driving skills. HOW do these people get their licence? I have precious cargo onboard most of the time. That beautiful baby boy who rides in the back. and I drive carefully, in fact.. I drive like a nanna.. but the rest of you.. shame shame shame!

Dear Mr bumper-rider/up-your-bum-driver/can't-see-the-headlights-on-your-car-because-you're-TOO FAR-up-my-ass driver..
You bug the hell out of me because if I were to slam my brakes on at any moment for a kangaroo or someone slamming theirs on or a fallen tree or whatever reason; I know you will shunt me from behind at 100kms/hour and that doesn't end well for any of us.

Dear Mr leap frog/ impatient/ overtake-3-cars-AT ONCE driver...
You also bug the hell out of me. That is just plain stupidity. And obviously if I'm the middle car in the 3 it means the slow person in front of me is the problem, and IF I had a clear safe chance to overtake them chances are I would have already.

that brings me to
Dear Mrs slower than slow/a tortoise would beat you/I-wish-I-had-a-sign-to-show-you-that-says-do-the GOD DAMN SPEED LIMIT driver...
You irritate me so bad. 90kms or 80kms in a 100kms zone is annoying, frustrating and

Dear Mr confused/are you sure you don't have bipolar?/speed-up-and-slow-down-and-can't-drive-at-a CONSTANT SPEED driver...
Oh.EM.Gee! You are so ridiculous. I mean doing the tortoise AND THEN speeding up so that I have to do a ridiculous speed to overtake you. How stupid is that!!!!!
Or the other version which is to sit on 80kms/hour all the way into town, right through the 100 zone, then the 80 zone and STILL DOING 80 in the 60 zone. WTF is up with that? and sooooooooo many drivers do this. Are you all blind or just plain ignorant?

Dear Mrs non-blinkers/failure to use that little thing called an indicator/inappropriate-use-of-your-turning-signal (or lack thereof)
Annoying. Frustrating. Stupid. I want to beep my horn and swear at you and give you the finger, however in todays world it is just too unsafe to make rude gestures at anyone because you may well find yourself stabbed.

Dear Mr hurrypants/failure to stop at stop signs, or give way with minimal clearance/you-just-floored-it-across-that-intersection-within MILLISECONDS of that oncoming car driver..
Accident waiting to happen you are. What difference is a few seconds going to make. Where ever you are going will still be there. If you misjudge that gap or your car doesn't perform as it should and you can't get through their safely, it will still be there but you WON'T be coming to see it.

Dear Mr and Mrs complete moron/you are driving on a road with other users who want to get home alive/that-is-a-car-your-driving-not-a-freaking-FORMULA ONE car driver..
I hate your stinking guts! I think the title you have is enough to understand the point. People like me don't drive like nannas to arrive home safely just for the hell of it. The road is a dangerous enough place without stupid speedsters like yourselves. I really don't like the idea of being the one doing CPR on your sorry ass 10kms down the road after you've smashed your car into a tree, or some poor innocent bastard who got in your way.

AND THEN sometimes, if you are super unlucky you get them all in one... the whole bad driving jackpot..
(in the case of the other day) there was the guy who did 70 in the 100 zone (thats the tortoise), sped up to like 120 while I tried to overtake and (thats the confused) then sat up my a$$ (thats the bumper-rider) and OVERTOOK ME back again (thats the leap frog) and finally sped off into the distance in front of me (thats the complete moron). You Sir are a Prize F*ck Head. Go back to South Australia (where your plates were from) and drive over there please, we don't want you on our roads.

Vent over.